Sunday, June 29, 2008

New Jersey, Crazy Behavior and a Kiln

I had asked my boyfriend Jay to come along with me on a day trip to New Jersey to pick up a Kiln I had won on Ebay over the weekend. I'm not so sure what to think after this trip. I'm confused.

He spent the night on Friday and we had planned to go and pick it up on Saturday. This was going to take most of a morning and afternoon. He knew this. He is not someone you can spring news on he must know up front. I've already been told (by him) how he operates. He was given at least a week's notice.

We leave the NY State Line and he starts to get nervous. He constantly asks me if I know where I am going, if I have directions and what will we do if we get lost. Since obtaining adulthood awhile ago, I had already taken these things into consideration. I had my baby girl with us so of course I had taken all precautions. Plus I travel all the time. I am not great with directions so I always prepare myself as I don't like to be lost either.

The last time we had gone out for a long trip he would get worried I was going to run out of gas. He made several comments on this and honestly it was stressful for me. How do you convince an adult male that having 1/2 tank of gas is good enough? In addition to this he is constantly giving me a hard time when I am driving. If he disagrees with something I've done, he will freak out in the car. I have never met someone so absolutely uptight. If I don't stop or go as he would, he will say something. If I pull up too close to a car in a parking lot, he will make a comment. If I turn on the AC, he will comment on that too.

So, things were fine, we were talking and he had calmed down. Until........I missed an exit. You would have thought the gates of hell had broken loose. In an effort to calm him down, I stopped at a gas station to ask directions. However, this only made him more frantic. He did not want to get out and ask for directions so I did. When I got back on the right track, he starts in again to the point where I can't drive. He is berrating me in a way that I do not condone. I stopped the car and he gets out. He says he is going to walk home. We are probably a good 3 hours from where he lives and he has no money. I've got a baby in the car and I am not going to chase after him. What do you do in a situation like that?

My first instinct was, fine, crazy nut, walk back home, see if I care. But the more empathetic side to me got out of the car and asked him to sit on this rock and cool down. He did. I watched him in the side door mirror. He was gesturing to himself, talking to himself, rocking back and forth, seriously acting like a crazy person. I was afraid. He disturbed me, he acted as if he were crazy.

A woman in a truck stopped and asked him if he was ok, sick or something or needing help. Soon after he got back into the car and told me that he was sorry and that he doesn't like to get lost because when he was younger he ran out of gas with no money and it upsetted him. HUH? You just said you were going to get back home on your own and already knowing he had no money, how was that going to happen? That made no sense as did his other behavior.

He then asked me if I thought the lady in the truck was flirting with him. WHAT? How could someone not understand that she was only stopping to ask to see if we needed help. How could he think she was flirting? What actually goes through his head? None of this makes sense to me.

Once we picked up my kiln and got back on the road, he seemed to calm down. However, upon getting on the LIE (Long Island Expressway) he started to become angry again, nervous, needing to go to the bathroom. He would not talk to me as he was so distraught he could not relax. I've never seen anyone act like this. Was he agoraphobic? Hardly, he's out and about all the time. Ok, not true, I've seen one other person act like this.

We got back to my house, he unloaded the kiln into the basement and then he left. It was the most stressful time I've had in a very long time and one I do not wish to repeat, ever. He acts so strangely a lot of the time. If you don't jump up and down enough when you see him he thinks you are not excited to be with him. If you do pull off all of the stops, he says that I don't have to go to so much trouble. I am not happy when he is late to see me. He is constantly telling me how ON TIME he is but not with me. He is full of excuses. So, after telling him to be on time and then him not be on time, I'm not always enthusiastic to see him. I'm not sure why he does not understand this.

When he comes over to my house on the weekends, he only likes to do certain things. He likes to watch his UFC fights or watch music videos that HE suggests. It seems that everything is about him. If I suggest something he will sit through it and then immediately change it to something he wants to see. Even in some of the tiffs we've had he somehow turns it all back to him. It's very frustrating. I see him once or twice per week and I think that's probably too much. I'm just not sure I want to have a relationship that is so odd and filled with these angry outbursts and moments of crazy behavior. I feel like he is a child incapable of having an adult relationship.

He apologized and he did seem back to "normal" once the kiln was safely in the basement. He was supposed to stay longer but he said he wasn't feeling well and would prefer to go home and lay down. Honestly, that was fine with me. I didn't really want to be around him anyway. When he acts as if he has an ulcer or stomach pains constantly, I feel like his nurse. He's constantly asking me to check his temperature. Is he just a hypochondriac? I've never seen a grown man have so man ailments who wasn't assigned to 24 hour care. He should just check himself into a retirement home. At least there, they will take your temperature whenever you want and you don't even have to get out of bed on most days. He acts like he's 80 at times. He moves very slow. He does everything slow. I can see there will be no spontaneity. Even after sex he complained how his legs would hurt and how he couldn't walk. WTF? You are a young man in the prime of your life. How can sex be that debilitating?

I am here to take a break from my life. I'm here to figure out what I want to do. I don't need to get sucked into something that will only leave me exhausted. I am here to breath and re-engergize. Not be someone's nurse or mother.

Sometimes I think, can Jay really be this handicapped? Can he really be this helpless? One look at his apartment and you could probably tell the answer to that. Is he lazy? It think the answer to that is yes. He's just so helpless. Like a child or a puppy. I almost feel responsible for him.

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