Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Men are Decietful

I truly believe that the male species is decietful. I'm not sure when they learn how to lie or why it is even necessary. However, my theory is that if men didn't lie, women wouldn't have reason to suspect they were up to no good. Whether or not they think their lies are for protection, my guess is they can't deal with 'being in trouble' so they try to hide it. Not knowing that this only increases the status of being in the dog house when the woman finds out the lie. Not to say I haven't lied during my life time. I lie all the time. About everything. Mostly to myself though. But it's interesting to catch someone lying to you. Some people are really good at it.

I know my BF has lied to me. However, he would probably say otherwise. Not telling the entire truth is also lying, deceit. I've heard him tell me about this or that and then a day later say something entirely different. I've heard him talk about movies he's gone to see with his brother, and I question whether or not it's really his brother who he is really with. I used to let it bother me but now I just don't even think about it. On the flip side, I've heard him talk about movies we had planned to see, in which he never told me he saw, then after the fact I hear about them through our conversations. I've listened to the lies about his cell phone not working, rather than just telling me he didn't pay his bill. I remember when I first went to his house, there was a book by Oscar Wilde and some Golden Girls (who watches that shit) DVDs on the TV in his bedroom. I said, "Oh, you read Oscar Wilde?" He replies, "Oh yeah." I say, "Well, you don't look like the type who would read Oscar Wilde." He says, "There are a lot of unique things about me." Yeah, I think? Like watching the Golden Girls in your bedroom? That thought just makes me laugh. I knew he had probably never heard of Oscar Wilde, let alone read any of his work. I knew it belonged to his GF.

I have to say, I'm not entirely convinced that they are broken up. I do not believe they are having sex or any other type of intimate connection. But I do think they have been in touch since they parted ways last July/August. His mom's furniture is still in her house, can't just cut off contract, especially because he wants it back.

I've point blank asked him if he's talked to her or seen her and he's responded, NOPE. I'm not so sure I believe that 100%. Whether he has seen her as "friends", gone to movies, gone to dinner, caught up about old times, yet to be disclosed. It doesn't bother me. I know they didn't have a good relationship. But I know he gets lonely, and a friend, no matter how bad a relationship might have ended, is always a welcomed sight when one is lonely. I know, I've been there. I've been lonely to the point of seeing an old BF on a chance meeting and not feeling the anger that I might have felt because he cheated, lied or broke my heart. It's like after time goes by, you forget about the pain and remember only the happy times you shared. I wonder why memory forgets the pain and replaces it with solace and comfort. I mean, there are cases in which I don't feel solace and comfort, but my guess is, that's because I didn't really feel any connection or love to that person to begin with.

Like I can still IM one of my exes who lives in Texas and we chit chat about our families and there is absolutely no attraction, no nothing. It's just like two old friends catching up. We broke up and there were hurt feelings. I left him. He wasn't ready to commit and I didn't blame him. I was ready to move forward with my life and he wasn't. After a few months without me though, he did realize he had made a mistake and asked me to marry him. As much as I had wanted that when I left, three months had gone by and I no longer felt like that. It was a sad parting. He was really upset. I was upset also but I realized that people change. They can't help that they change. Life happens and it makes us all different.

I guess I know that he is faithful, no matter who he spends his time with. This I know. He isn't the kind of person who could be involved with someone for sex without any emotional investment in that person. He's very guarded and keeps to himself and doesn't act like a typical guy. Most of the time. He's very respectful of women and especially during sex. Nothing is degrading with him. It's very gentle and loving. I really love that about him.

If I could take one piece out of his personality it would be the side that can't rationalize and implant him with reason and rationalization skills. It does cause problems for a relationship. When he's normal (ie, not stressed out about anything), he's actually a lot of fun to be around. He's funny, he's warm, he's a great conversationalist. We discuss music and movies, sometimes politics and we get into very strange deep conversations. He's really looking for someone to take care of him. It's hard to take complete care of him when he lashes out. It makes me not like the person I know he is. That very fragile, sheltered person with a very large and genuine heart. So, don't get me wrong, when he is calm, he's great to be around. The problem with this is that he's moody. You never know what mood he will be in on what day. I don't think he realizes how to take care of a partner, a GF. I don't know that he realizes all of the emotional investment you have to put into a female to make her happy. I don't rely on that from him. I am fairly strong, so I just rely on myself for that. Sometimes he can barely take care of himself, let alone another person, yet he says he wants kids. That's another post entirely.

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