Saturday, July 26, 2008

Vacation Do's and Don'ts

I sometimes sit back and wonder what is wrong with me? I really don't need a BF. I have a very full life. My BF decided to go camping with his brothers for a few days. The first night he called me and left a vm. I was at the movies and didn't pick up. The next day I woke up with a Migraine and was in no mood to work or do anything. However, I did text him and let him know how things were going on my end. I didn't hear from him for the entire day. No texts, no calls, etc. Then today he didn't text or call. So, I sent him a text that said, "Is there any reason why I haven't heard from you in two days?" Meaning, I sent him a fairly lengthy text on Friday, this one was short. My thought process was well, if he's hiking, then I don't want to have a long message in case he is in a spot where he can't take time to read a long message. So, I am trying to be nice. He returns from his trip and leaves me a hateful vm. He is obviously upset. He tells me never to text him such in such a manner ever again and that he doesn't feel like he has to check in with me. OMG. WTF? He gets like this from time to time. I used to practice law and I am a very direct person.

I think it was reasonable to expect a call or at the very minimum a text. For him to get upset and yell at me is insane. I think he is insane. He jumps to conclusions and makes determinations that are very far from reality. He used to talk about how I made him "feel" when I would ask certain questions. He said it sounded demanding. How dare anyone expect anything from him? You are in a relationship, be accountable. How is that being demanding? His reasoning is....verbatim mind you, "I'm on vacation. I shouldn't have to check in with you." I think, well, whether or not you are on vacation, you should be courteous of your partner. Of course he likes to turn it around and say, well just think if you were on vacation with your friends and I sent you a text like that? First of all, I wouldn't ignore the other person if they sent me a text or left me a message, I would respond. So, I'm not sure why he likes to turn the tables around. He was wrong to jump to conclusions. He was wrong to leave me a rude vm. He was wrong to give me an attitude about being up his ass. He has no idea that a normal girl is going to be up his ass. If I lived in the same city and he acted like this, I would no longer continue. Our relationship would have been very short to begin with. While I am on this subject let me just point out what a normal girl wouldn't put up with:

1. His messy apt. It's not even an apt, it's a garage turned into a 1 bedroom. It's no more than 500 square feet and it's a mess.

2. His selfishness. Usually guys take their GFs out for birthday, dates, special occassions. Not him, he has never taken me out for dinner. He's purchased a pizza here and there and taken me to eat at the local Boston Market but nothing really nice. He's never paid for a movie. He's always broke.

3. Gifts. Girls like to be spoiled. He's only gotten me two large items, a purse for xmas and a necklace, both very nice. However, they were late. I rec'd my xmas gift in Feb and my bday gift in June. (my bday is in april) He never sends me cards, flowers, nothing for valentine's day. He never makes me dinner or breakfast. He is just not thoughtful.

4. Vacations. He never has said, let's take a couple of days off and go out of town. Never. I'm sure he's never even thought of it. He uses his job as the excuse of why he can't plan or do anything like go out of town.

5. He sleeps with stuffed animals on his bed. He's 35, almost 36 and he has stuffed animals from probably every girl he's dated

6. Everything is always on his terms. I'll call you when I feel like talking to you, I'll see you when I want to see you. Wow, and you are single why?

7. His condition keeps him from being able to really have a meaningful relationship with someone. He doesn't see it.

8. He's very tender. For his weight, size, he acts like this fragile doe. Everything bothers him, everything annoys him, everything from humidity, to having to have sex more than once, to eating dinner.

I understand that everyone has their 'issues'....but my god. He has enough issues for 10 men.

I'm at the edge here with this person. He has no idea how to treat someone who cares about him. Even if that's what I was doing, ie, make him check in with me, I didn't deserve the reaction. However, I am a pretty direct person and he always seems defensive. It's like he reacts first, like Tarzan, me hurt, must lash out. He has no ability to reason and realize that I am not that sort of person. If it were me, I would take into account how this person acts and then make a determination on behavior. I just don't like the person he is when he acts like this. It doesn't make me want to see him or be around him. Just to even say that I think is a very selfish thing to say and to react like that only shows me he has absolutely no social skills. How dare you call me or text me or ask me questions while I am on vacation. His behavior is abusive. When he acts like that it makes me think he has something to hide.

I pointed out to him that I do not call 5 times per day, I do not text him asking him to tell me where he is on the weekends when we don't see each other. I've never been like that. So for him to think that I am so demanding makes me crazy. It makes me think that I can't ever ask him any questions or wonder something. I know he knows how strangely he acts when he gets bent out of shape. He did apologize, however, I still feel strange about our relationship.

After the last fight I was really going to give it my best shot. However, after this, I just don't think I can deal with his behavior. It's rude and self centered. It's not the way I would treat someone and I don't expect behavior like this. Who would? I got through the call. We made small talk for a few min. I wished him a good night and I hung up.

I need distance, more than the distance from Boston to NY.
I need some time off from this relationship.

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