Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Responsibility

This predator (Jay) will not take any responsibility in his actions. He will use these past situations to get him more of what he wants from other un-suspecting people, mainly women. He will handle things only if he is forced to deal with it like his suspended driver's license or his 17k judgment forced upon him by Suffolk County or his Tax Levy from the IRS from non filed tax returns years 2003-2008.

Before we had even met, he made me feel like no one did anything for his birthday. That it was never special. So, in August 2006, I sent him a $50.00 Best Buy GiftCard and a "cake" but the cake came to my house instead and he asked me if I was going to replace it. My very first gut feeling is, OMG, are you serious? I don't even know you and I just sent you a gift card and you have the nerve to ask me for something else? He kept on and on and I finally gave in with another $50.00 gift card to Best Buy. He used guilt and manipulation in the form of 'well, I guess I won't be having much a birthday without a cake' or 'maybe I don't deserve another gift, afterall, you did just get me a gift card.'


According to Jay, his cube-mate bought him a DVD for his Birthday, a trilogy set of the Raiders of the Lost Arc movies. Just a few weeks after this, he states he is upset with Mike and that he won't be speaking to him for awhile. I thought this was strange. You see this person most everyday, work in close proximity to him and you are just not speaking? He said Mike was immature and he needed to be punished.

Then when Mike's birthday came around, I asked Jay what he was doing for him and he said "NOTHING, FUCK that guy!" All because he was mad because Mike made a comment that Jay didn't like. WOW! GEE! Had I had my PSYCHOPATH ALERT HAT on I maybe could have spotted this big RED FLAG. This is how JAY treats everyone who pissed him off, does something he doesn't like, dissapoints him, etc.....

I sent him a cookie boquet for Valentine's Day in 2006 and when he took it home, he lied to his GF and said he found it on the break room table. I'm sure the card that came with it went into the break room trash can.

He came to me in December 2007 and told me that his sister Missy was having financial issues and she didn't work. (Come to find out, she works for his GF at Dave and Buster's) He said she was going to loose her house and that his niece would not have a very nice Xmas. Well, I have kids and who wants to think of a child going without for Xmas? Not me. I usually 'adopt' a Christmas Angel from the mall as I like to share this with my own kids so they will learn how to give back. I opted to help out his sister who I had never met. Jay asked me repeatedly, "When are you going to get those gifts down here, it's almost Christmas??"

In an effort to save time, I shopped in Selden, NY for the gifts and in effort to save time, I didn't wrap anything. I gave the bags to him directly. It is unclear if he actually gave her these gifts or if he took them back to the store since they still had their tags on them. The one thing I do know is that Missy had no idea I had been the one who gave these gifts. In fact, while I was on the phone with his GF, Missy walked into work. It is unclear to me if she even registered this as he may have just taken them back and gotten things for himself. That's my guess anyway.

One day he saw my 'change' collection at over $152.00 and he said repeatedly, "You can just give that to me..." I would roll my eyes and tell him to save his own. I chalked it up to him not understanding what is appropriate or not appropriate in social situations. He always wanted what I had. He always wanted the things I bought for my kids. Even toys. He would tell me to tuck him in or check his temperature. He was convinced he had a perpetual fever.

When I bought him an HD DVD player for Xmas in 2007 it did not come with the HD Cables. What did we do? We went right up to Best Buy where I shelled out $120.00 bucks so he could watch TV. He kept saying, "Well, you should have bought them or what good is giving a gift if you can't use it." I, of course felt guilty even though I had just spent money on the gift itself.

When I approached him about paying me back he would say, "I have never asked you for anything, everything you did and gave me was because you wanted to." This may be how he sees it but it's not how he said he would handle paying me back. Yet he complained that his brother Matt had borrowed money and never paid it back. Or that his own dad had dis-owned him over $160.00.

And so, how does this guy end up in at least 3 relationships? Because he didn't ask for the attention, people just came up and started giving it to him. This is how he never felt remotely responsible for sleeping with other girls.

Further, he could not understand it when they would get upset with him. After all, he was just standing there when a pretty girl came up and started talking and flirting, he is not responsible for what happened next.

And when he says he's sorry and didn't mean to hurt you, it only means, he's sorry he couldn't continue to lie so that he could get what he wanted/needed. He would talk about his co-workers going out and paying for girls in strip clubs but my gut says it was probably him doing this. He would tell me that his cube-mate Nathan had to pay for prostitutes just to have sex. I've seen Nathan and to me, he's a good looking guy. On the other hand he would say that Mike had lots of girls he was juggling. Looking back, it was probably Jay who paid for prostitutes. His MySpace page speaks for itself. Who puts call girls on their page?

He would call Nathan a big slacker, always talking to girls, always surfing the web but again, I have a strong suspicion that this was actually his own behavior he was speaking of. I think this is how he alleviated his 'responsibility.' and was able to justify his behavior.

My gut feeling says he has bi-sexual tendancies. He made too many comments about men or their 'dicks' and how they looked to be not at least curious. Especially from his cubemate, Nathan at work. He would tell me about the times he would go into the city and stay with him during crunch. He was convinced that Mike had a 'crush' on him and wanted him for sex. He talked about a dildo that he was sure Mike wanted to use on him. Jay was very delusional most of the time and he was constantly saying things that would make you think, what did he just say?

He needs male attention because he didn't get anything from his dad while growing up. He's afraid of most authority figures and he's not sure how he will handle criticism or take rejection from them. He would secretly say he had a crush on Johnny Depp. He would make comments about my ex and wondered if he would get 'into' watching us have sex. WTF? He was always 'joking' so I never took him to be serious. How many times did I ask for him and I to be friends or friends with 'benefits.' He would cry and tell me he could not have sex with me like that, just being friends. The issue was, he knew I would be less inclined to buy him shit if that were the case and more importantly he wouldn't have control over me.

Sadly, he believes his lies and delusions to the point they become his reality. I think he has to state things (as happening to other people) in a way to confess or put it out there his own deviant behavior. If he tells me Matt's GF is clingy maybe this is his way of telling me his other GF is clingy. Maybe in his mind he can justify his actions by making them someone else's actions.

When he told me I knew him best, I believe him. I believe that there were many times he 'confessed' things he had done by telling me it was someone he knew, or that he would let his guard down long enough for me to see and hear who he really was on the inside. The person I saw was truly frightening and damaged. I do believe he knows he is crazy and a psychopath. Maybe not to the degree or to the definition that non psychopaths understand but on some level, he knows what he is. He has moments of clarity and understands there is something wrong with him. He told me too many times for me to now think otherwise.

I was his 'mother' on some level. Someone to make him feel better, relieve him of guilt, provide unconditional love and understanding. But as it states in one of my other posts, a psychopath will stab you in the back at some point. It only took 3 years for him to do it to me. His GF of 7 years might never see a 'stab' in the back. She may only see his 'regret' and his 'sadness' over what he did, over his lies and manipulation. She will proabably hear the 'I'm sorry' and 'Forgive me' routines. He will do anything to get back in her good graces, maybe not now but soon he will. He will check up on her (another form of stalking) and act as if he only has her best interest at heart. However, we know these people will do anything for their own selfish needs.

Even now, I miss the good person he portrayed himself to be. I miss the person he never was.



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