Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Some interesting quotes.....and vomiting

There are some really good resources out there. I didn't specialize in Psychopathic Behavior during grad school and I'm pretty sure no one does early on. I believe they touch on it in 'abnormal' psych classes and since about 30% of men are truly some form of a psychopath, it would be good measure to start making it course for study.

As our society becomes more sectioned off due to rapid advancements in technology, the psychopathic personality will grow from 30% to 50% or more. Not overnight but over centuries. People need family and extended family and friends to know and judge how to react in situations. If there are a number of people who have a pre-disposition to psychopathy via environment, these numbers are sure to rise.

Some interesting quotes....All of these applied directly to the situations I dealt with during this relationship with Jay:

Psychopaths have a grandiose self-structure which demands "a scornful and detached devaluation of others" (Gacon et al 1992), in order to ward off envy toward the good perceived in people.

Guggenbuhl-Craig, writes in his book The Emptied Soul, that "Relationships (for psychopaths) are things of the moment. . .their motto seem(s) to be 'Out of sight, out of mind.' (41)

They have "an uncanny ability to spot and use 'nurturant' women -- that is, those who have a powerful need to help or mother others." (Hare, 149). As Hare recounts, a particular "nurturance-seeking missile" who had a local reputation for attracting a steady stream of female visitors seemed to have this talent. He was "not particularly good-looking or very interesting to talk to. But he had a certain cherubic quality that some women, staff included, seemed to find attractive. One woman commented that she 'always had an urge to cuddle him.' Another said that 'he needs mothering.' (Hare, 149).

Also, the psychopath can be very good at feigning love. Guggenbuhl-Craig recalls a few incidents about a psychopath who deluged his sweetheart with presents and affection. None of it was real even though the man acted like he cared for her. One of these psychopathic "romancers" later killed his partner and felt no remorse at all. The woman had merely been taken in by empty gestures. I suspect many women out there who are reading this will identify with this.

Lying is like breathing to the psychopath. When caught in a lie and challenged, they make up new lies, and don't care if they're found out. As Hare states, "Lying, deceiving, and manipulation are natural talents for psychopaths...When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they are seldom perplexed or embarrassed -- they simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts so that they appear to be consistent with the lie. The results are a series of contradictory statements and a thoroughly confused listener." (Hare, 46).

Psychopaths may also sense that they are different and damaged when compared with others, which feeds further resentments.

Everyone who knows a psychopath will be stabbed in the back, sooner or later.

Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but are hardly so.

The psychopath also appears not to be able to remember what they had said or committed to for very long. They seem to always be living in the present. That is why they are usually guilty of being big promise-makers who cannot live up to their word. Once again, it will be the victim who must deal with the aftermath of all the psychopath's twists and turns, and when he gets you angry enough, you will be discredited as "defective" by him, and the psychopath will often make himself out to be the real victim.

I wished I had trusted my gut back in 2006 when I first experienced the twinges from him over the phone or email. When he wouldn't talk to me for TWO days because he thought I dated a black guy, he told me directly that I was DEFECTIVE. Of course he got his facts wrong and misinterpreted what I had said but in his mind, this was how he saw me. What I had said was I had a good friend who was a doctor who took me out to dinner after my grandmother passed away. And yes, he was black. So? Who do you think you are to judge me for something that happened BEFORE meeting you? And even if it were a 'date' so what????

He talked about the black people he works with and how he hated them. One of the guys had had a baby and he was livid over having to give up $5.00 bucks as a donation! He called me up to bitch about this one day and how he didn't have any money and even if he did how he wouldn't pay it. He can get very twisted and bent out of shape when they do or say something to him. I don't comment on it and I should have picked up that he was a racist but he waffles so much, I could never tell if he was serious or not. He doesn't have a problem with black women as he had stated on several occasions that they really dig him. He seems to like this type of attention. But then again, he likes attention from ANYONE. There was a black guy who worked at the Best Buy close to his job and he just went off on the possibility of him getting a job at Rockstar. Citing that they better not hire him over his brother Matt. He was livid about this issue for days. Even ignoring one of the girls he had previously been friends with because she suggested he apply for a job. How silly is that? To be upset like he was? How mature? Not mature at all.

He gave me several indicators that I needed to be a non smoker, virginal, from a good parental structure, produce good looking kids, educated, submissive, etc. However upon learning more about Amy, I find out she had her issues. Smoker, had been raped, was taking pills to cope. This amazes me as the person I knew as Jay Capozello would have NEVER NEVER NEVER dated a girl like this. It just shows me what a mask he wore. How he lied and deceived to get what HE wanted.

This happened in all facets of his life, work, home, social, he lied to get what he wanted. Jay's boss Jeff was duped on so many occasions. Jay would tell him he had a dental appointment or had some 'other' appointment when in reality, he just didn't want to go work or he wanted to leave early. One day, he kept IM'ing me to ask me if he should stay at work or go home, as if the decision were up to me. Looking back, he'd always had issues. But since they work those guys to death during crunch, I just thought he needed a break. He told me on several occasions he was going to have a mental breakdown if he didn't get his time off. I believed him as he didn't handle stress very well. But as the picture becomes clearer he was probably stressed out about having so many lies and women to juggle all at once.

I should have picked up on the signs, the clues...the BIG CLUES. So, I sit here and wonder why I missed it. If I had been watching a scary movie, I would have said, "Wow, that poor idiot, she should have done this and not that....." I didn't even realize I was the poor idiot.

I'm sure he feels successful in hurting me the way he did. I'm sure there is a piece of him that revels in the glory of my tears and my need to rescue him. I'm sure my behavior was as predictable as snow in the winter. He knew if he said he was 'disappointed' in me I would try to make it up to him. As if he was a parental figure to me, my father. Now I have to step back and say to myself, was I prepped for this type of relationship my entire life? That's what I have to figure out.

I'm sure Jay sits in his apartment 'grieving' over his dead GF or fiance while he plays his video games, gets stoned and drinks himself into oblivion, pilled out on Vicodin, logging in to his MySpace page to see if there are any new victims to entomb...feeling quite happy with himself and his ability to lie, cheat and slither into a life like a virus, undetected. He may feel 'bad' that the three women who paid the most attention to him are 'dead' in a way to him, he may 'grieve' for us as one person because he won't be getting what he wants. He will have to start over with new, innocent and unsuspecting women and to him that is OK because in the meantime he will call out to the few women who don't know the truth, like Cathy his ex landlord, or Shannekqua from his MySpace page and get his basic needs met, food, sex and sympathy. He will hang his head and get teary when he goes back to work as if he is really hurting inside. He will milk Jeff, Nathan, Tamara, Sean, and whoever will take pity on him for every bit of attention they will throw his way. He will feel like life is so unfair, first his mom dies, then his precious bunny, now his fiance? He's estranged from his family, he has no one to lean on, no one who can understand what this new 'loss' means to him and he will use this excuse for years to come.

The sad part of all of this (besides the trail of victims) is that there is no cure for his psychopathy. Many people will look at him and feel like he's the victim of so many women who took advantage of him. It is like eradicating smallpox. You have to find it first, isolate it and then destroy it. Sounds easy enough but we all know how long it took to isolate smallpox and even now, it crops up from time to time.


31 comments:

  1. I am just getting out of an extramarital affair with an also married man whom i now believe to be a psychopath. All the little clues that I denied...and why does he have such a hold over me? This is a man i dated for two years in college, and then I broke up with him on a gut feeling. For years he has tried to insinuate himself back in my life. During a weak moment in my marriage I finally let him and he has almost destroyed me and everything that is precious to me. I am in the process of trying to close every "door" to my life that he might be able to find his way in..."a virus that insinuates himself into your life." My God. That is so true.
    God bless you.

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  2. I am just breaking off a relationship with a Psychopath. He is everything you have mentioned and more. Alcoholic, drug abuser, manipulator, charming, self-centered, self-important, deceptive behavior, no remorse or guilt, lack of empathy, promiscuous sexual behavior, blames everyone else for his lot in life, refuses to take responsibility for his actions, varied criminal activity, irresponsible behavior, poor self control, need for stimulation, prone to boredom, pathological deceptive behavior & lying. The shame is that I am a nurturer and have believed for 8 years that I could help this man, that my love for him was going to save him from himself. Just a few days ago after spending the week end with him, I found emails on his computer indicating that he had been soliciting for sex on the internet. The real shocker came when I realized that he had actually placed a M4M ad to give BJ's, had an email from a man and replied to have this person at his home on a particular day and time. I was sick to my stomach as I had just had sex with him for the previous two nights and he had just told me that he loved me before going to work that morning. He is not capable of love. It's all about him, as you stated. This relationship began 30 years ago but we were only together for a short time however I never stopped loving this man then he came back into my life with a story of being sick with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and I rushed to his rescue to help him only to finally realize that too was not true. He denies this of course. He also denies the emails I found. What he can't be sure of is that I forwarded them to myself. I will not confirm this to him so he continues to lie and tell me that I misinterpreted what I saw. I have finally had enough and must realize that although I have loved this man for the majority of my life, he does not have the capacity to return those affections. I am seeking help from various sources and will continue to. He is a predator and I know that I must be careful in how I dissolve this relationship so as not to invoke violence towards me, although he has never physically hurt me in any way I don't want to take the chance of having him snap. He has no family ties, no friends and prefers his isolated lifestyle. To antagonize him would not be wise... what has he got to loose. Thank you for your site... I know that I am not alone. Your words have helped me more than you know.

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    1. I am still grieving over the emotional and financial destruction that my psychopath bf left me in. How could I have been so stupid?

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  3. I am busy getting a divorce from my psychopathic husband, who is already engaged to his fourth victim. I have a 15 month year old daughter who he is trying to get custody of, i dont know why because he shows no interest in her. He has been physically abusive towards both me and my daughter. I have done a lot of research on the internet about psychopaths and it is as though they are speaking about my husband.

    What is really really sick is that he has brought my Pastor (financing car, donating computers and sound system, donated caravelle for youth) and my Pastor is so corrupt he is denying that i ever confinded in him for the abuse from my husband, even though he witnessed my husband crying (crocodile tears) and asking for forgiveness.

    All i can say is to anyone that is deciding on getting a divorce from a psychopath, make sure you put a PI onto him 2 months before you leave. Dont mention the divorce and get the PI to look on phone records, background history ect....even think about putting a hidden camera in your house so as to get evidence of the abuse, this will help you in court. BUT BE CAREFUL if you do this. Before leaving him get a protection order and the day they serve the protection order leave him and move to a safe place. The protection order will help with preventing him from contacting you. Let a police officer in the neighbourhood know about your situation and save his number on your phone.

    You have to think like he thinks and try be one up on him......which is almost impossible. All i can say is good luck to you and know that you are not alone.

    Thank you for this site, i wish this illness was more exposed to the world so that when we first get that gut feeling we have a chance of getting out, before its too late. God bless you and keep you safe

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  4. It always looks the same. Finally, I can spot them in a couple days. For years I was drawn to them. They have a profound impact on the people they come in contact with and there are far more of them out there than most people know. They are not all the horrible serial killers that we see in the movies. They will charm you, convince you to trust and love them and when they are finished with you, they will disgard you, inflict as much pain as they can in the process and eventually completely erase you from their life.

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  5. my best friend/lover warned me ahead that he did not want to hurt me, well i ignored the signs,i thought how can you hurt me when we just met as years went on he was very selfsentered which he aslo told me, i would of never put the word physcopath with him in an equation. why was he so up front about not wanring to hurt me?

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  6. SO HE COULD JUSTIFY EVERYTHING, if he warned you he can say ... i told you ...

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  7. You have a lot of good information about us (the psychopaths) on your blog. I commend you on having written a lot of spot on characteristics about us. It is well done indeed.

    I see on the list of recommended readings that you mention Sam Vaknin's 'Malignant Self Love'. He's a Psychopath, and a Narcissist, too. But you probably know that. :)

    To me this suggests that you have an awareness and openness we rarely see. And this, I believe, gives us all a lot of hope.

    I want to prove that it IS possible to close that gap between our two groups.

    Good luck!... '^L^,

    Zhawq.

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  8. I dont see us as psychopaths but as being able to use our minds to our full advantage in every situation possible. I can be anyone i want whenever i want.

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    1. sounds like Satan to me.

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  9. Anonymous,

    you wrote:

    "I dont see us as psychopaths but as being able to use our minds to our full advantage in every situation possible. I can be anyone i want whenever i want."

    I beg to differ. Everybody have something they can't do or be, and that is so for psychopaths as well as for everybody else.

    If you're a psychopath, you have never experienced empathy, f.x., because you don't have the ability to feel it.

    How do you propose to become an empathic person if you can't feel empathy?

    We may be able to SEEM like anyone that we want, but that is not the same as being anyone you want.


    On a side note: You include yourself when you say "I don't see 'us' as psychopaths", and that shows you are aware that you have certain characteristics.

    I used to be even worse than that. I couldn't see any connection between myself and psychopaths, even though I was diagnosed the first time when I was 18 yrs old, and have been diagnosed twice since then with the same result.
    I was so convinced I wasn't a psychopath that I didn't even check out what the word really means!

    When I finally did some research, I began to gain some understanding for how and why normal neurotypical people see us the way they do.

    I still do not think they see the whole picture of us, but that little more understanding I think I have gained may help me provide the missing details which to us are obvious, but which to them seem as non-existent as empathy used to seem to me.

    In another formulation: Empathy still don't 'seem' real to me... that is, I can see the signs of empathy in someone, but accepting that to them empathy is a reality may be a first step in the right direction.

    Maybe some day they will be able to accept that some of the qualities in us which to them are like postulates now (like empathy was to me before) are as real to us as empathy is to them.

    It is good to see that I'm not the only one who finds an interest in learning and researching!...

    .....

    To Blog Author: Please accept my apology for the lengthy comment. And once again, thank you for having taken the time to create this excellent blog!

    Good luck!... '^L^,

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  10. Hello again,

    it's me with the wolf avatar above. I've finally changed it. :)

    I would add something once more:

    Psychopaths make up about 1% of the total population, so 30% of all males are not psychopaths.

    But I can understand why you would arrive at that conclusion, because many have adopted semi-psychopathic behavior.

    The one place where you find psychopaths in the highest number is within the prison system where we (psychopaths) make up about 20% of the total of inmates.


    Anonymous (above my post),

    none of us can be whatever we want whenever we want. But it's a pretty good analogy even so, and it is widely believed that we actually have that power. The truth is that we too are to some extent defined by our background and we gravitate towards personal preferences depending on what we're especially good at.

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  11. I agree with you the person you posted this---I dont see us as psychopaths but as being able to use our minds to our full advantage in every situation possible. I can be anyone i want whenever i want..

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  12. I just broke off a long term relationship with a psychopath. I am reading myself in many of these comments- particularly the lady who said that she thought her love would save him from himself. I believed this for so long. I'm finally seeing that that just isn't the case, no matter how much I loved him, no matter how hard I try. It's like waking up from a bad dream.

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  13. I just dropped a best friend because after reading information on psychopaths, i've realised she is one. We work together and I used to think she was funny when she'd continually put down other people and snigger behind their backs. I'd even do it with her, i'm not like that but it was to keep her happy. She'd start to confide in her stories of her past, stealing, sleeping around and even severely hurting someone, when she told these stories she seemed so sorry for doing it. Later when we became even closer, she'd said how she fantasised about actually killing someone. I brushed it off but then I started to see her dark side. When we'd go out, she'd take any chance to put down and humiliate me. She'd say sorry and then became so aggressive when I'd still be upset. It got to the point where my friends told me they felt that she deliberately wanted me to break down and that she was actually competitive in having all of the attention. She hated it if we went out with our boss and I had any attention. The last time she cracked a horrible remark at me in front of our boss, I went back at her and afterwards, after everyone left, she became aggressive to the point of being feral. I couldn't believe how charming and innocent she can act around people and hide the evil spiteful person who lays beneath. I am still getting over the humiliation and upset she has given me. I have made a final decision to create distance and eventually cut her off. She pretends to be a loyal friend who you think you can tell anything to, but really she takes your secrets as ammunition ready to shoot you down when necessary. Dangerous, very dangerous.

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  14. After 3 years with him, I should have picked up the signs. I was so young though. I couldn't understand his behaviour until I started researching about psychopathy - after a friend reccomended it to me for it reminded her of my bf at the time. He lies about big things and insignificant things, with so many details that no one could suspect. During our realtionship, he made me feel so guilty and unworthy of his feelings, made me suffer and feel remorse for things that happened before I even met him. Well, at the same time he had a child that he's hidden, the office where he "worked" never existed and thousands of other lies. Although he's still in actions, spreading unbelievable stories about me and my family, I am glad I got rid of him before I married or had a child with him, or he had done somthing worse.

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  15. I am just getting out of a two and a half year relationship with a psychopath. I was used for anything he could get his hands on, just for him to say, "you had nothing to be used for"...I was physically assaulted on several occasions, he slammed my head into a car window because he "thought" his boss was trying to come onto me and I liked it, in his head...just for him to say, it was an accident and never apologized. He seen an email on fb from a guy that lives out of town, no sexual inuendos were made, but...when he read it, he threw me into the bathtub, turned the cold shower on and held my face into the water. I still could not leave him, and questioned myself, why was I so obsessed and intrigued by this monster? He lied about EVERYTHING, starting in the beginning with his age, he said he was 33 when he was really 41. I could go on and on...and pretty much write a book. This condition needs to be exposed more so there are less victims...it is so traumatizing and all you people saying "you can be whoever you want"...well try and realize you completely DESTROY innocent peoples lives..especially when all those people are trying to do is love you. I'm just so glad to be out of that nightmare.

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  16. You Talk About Us Psychopaths Like Were Not Human Lol The Funny Part Is That We Us Are Brain Unlike The Other 94% Of The Population !!!!

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    1. You maybe should have tried to use at least of a little of your brain while writing that statement! signed a true Psychopath! Its idiots like you that make sites likes this worth reading

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  17. I am married to a diagnosed Psychopath, he told me about his condition not long before we married and I still went through with it. I wasn't blind I did know quite abit about the condition he has.
    I am finding every day after 4 years of knowing I am still spotting little things. The thing is I am reading some of these post and shaking my head. I have caught him in lies, he has denied them then realised when I wouldn't give up on them that he has no option but to be open about them, which he does.
    The manipulation and games that are spoken about seem to not really effect our marriage mainly because I am aware of this being a main trait of his condition. I question and talk quite a lot to him about different things that happen in our daily lives.
    He does have "surges" of aggression (his words) but to be fair I have never seen them he does tend to take control of them well. My view is he is highly intelligent and realises to keep what he has to maintain the style of life we share (job, kids, social lifestyle) he has no option but to control certain aspects of his condition. He could never control all of them but some parts do seem controllable.
    I do believe the only reason he told me about his condition was so that he can always say "I did warn you" but I really am not bothered by those words I DO NOT need him but I do feel love for him.
    The only reason a psychopath really keeps someone around is because they want them there, they do not have a NEED for someone they don't get attached like the norms of society which if thought about logically actually makes more sense. Someone asked me on a different forum "how do I cope knowing he does NOT love me" This made me think and all I could reply with was "describe love" (they found that impossible) Love is not easily defined and the way I see it is - He makes me laugh, he would make sure I am always safe, he will always provide me with my needs (not wants) and if I am fair to him he does attempt to meet my emotional needs also. I think what makes the emotional side hard for me is I do know he doesn't really understand them and even if he says something he might think I need to hear I know it's false in his mind.
    Lately he has been more and more open about his condition and to be honest even though it is things I have been aware of I am finding it difficult to swallow it seems to be a constant factor in our lives right now. I guess if I think about it it's always been there and I naturally tend to just accept it.
    I don't even know why I am posting here I expect nothing from anyone on here, maybe I just needed to get it out. I read so many negative things and I think in a respect it's unfair not all Psychopaths are violent, and many of their other traits are manageable and understandable (to an extent). In reality I have spent 4 years married (majority of that happy) and two years prior dating and have seen no real negative . My last relationship with a non psychopathy was filled with lies and many other things I can't be arsed bringing up but it certainly wasn't happy and always wondered if he actually wanted what we had. I am now married to a psychopath and know every day that what we have is actually wanted and not done just out of necessity. Sorry if this is all over the place, I am not the best at writing and normally type what I think. I think my only issue with life right now is sometimes it does get hard and I have nobody I could possibly talk to or just vent to, except him, sometimes you just need someone else to do these things with.

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  18. I can't believe how these women and their stories and experiences with the men they dated/lived with and loved so similar and too identical to my experience with the guy I was in a relationship with for over 4 years and lived together over 3 years. I was no longer living with him and had decided to moved back at my mom's place.The lying games and mind tricks he does, the disturbing behaviors have seen and the words he used to hurt me it was for the sole purpose to destroy me because he knew that I have unmasked him, he was threatened over the facts I have on him and he see's me as no use or value to him and think of me as his enemy and that's why he treated me the same like these other poor victims. I am particularly shocked to what they had to go through and how they have said word per word are exactly the same I have for this guy. And to how identical the feelings they and I have. And one more thing that is so disturbing to me is the "nurturing" qualities these women because I am very nurturing to the people I care for and specially to him.. I have given my best and it was discredited, and not appreciated the great things I had given and given up for him, it makes me cry thinking all the times I have wasted because now it is so much clearer to me because I was like these women left hanging, so lost and confused and felt so betrayed and used. OMG!... Now I know why what happened to me did happen like it did and I'm so sick and disgusted!... I still have feelings for him but I clearly must forget all about him and not be visible to him, cutting all the contacts the sooner the better because before reading this article I was planning to still keep our contacts and still on speaking terms, I even said to him maybe we could help heal some of the damages and now I know that it won't going to happen because he will just continue going to continue using me. I have lost my directions in life and my hopes and dreams were shattered, I was feeling helpless but I am lucky that I listened to myself and did what my instincts are telling me for the first time, in a long time. He is like indeed like a virus, like a cancer eating everything about me.

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  19. I am so shocked reading and more shocked after read it all the stories shared and how identical to what I had gone through from the guy I was in a relationship with for over 4 years and lived together over 3 years. It's like seeing a ghost and having nightmares. OMG!.. I can't believe some parts of the stories shared these two women using their own words describing what they had gone through and the treatment they got word per word are exactly my words to what was done to me. Even on how these psychopaths ended their relationships to these women and to the way they think and reacted, the web of lies and mind tricks and how they hurt you on their own ways and you are out of his life when he's done with you and the mentality they had "to get rid of you completely and as fast as they can" coz they know and can tell when people like the victims including myself unmasked them. I wasted so much for this predator! I had given him everything I could give and shared all myself, dedicated and solid to him but it's nothing to him. I was the same like these women so confused and hurt, just lost my directions in life because he is like a virus, like a cancer and eating every fiber of my existence. I am lucky that I got the courage to accept to myself that i had to move out before the last will of sanity i have will be taken away just go totally insane or committed suicide, because I was that point of thinking and I am so happy that I forced myself to seek professional help and it's helping me to go back in life and living and that I can do it. Now I know all we have shared together to him it's just nothing. He showed remorse, and he has no conscience, no regrets to his faults and it's clear to me that he should be the one seeking therapy not me. All the facts I have and this article on what I have read and known, it makes me sick and cry. I have wasted of my time and over 4 Years of my life. Its for my own good and the best to cut our remaining contacts and to completely gone out of his life. He ruined me! And my life... I'm so glad I'm out!

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  20. He warned me so many times and treated me so poorly but I kept going back. I was "crazy" about him for almost three years. I just couldn't get it through my head...he was truly evil in a way. So charming with a mind so sharp,it was intoxicating.As soon as he was unmasked,I was discarded. I still wish at times I could get inside his head and that he would explain but it's all so obvious and there is no need. I met a great guy and almost escaped once,only for him to lure me back to him with false promises. All I can say is "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" God help us ! I am moving on...

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  21. My father is a psychopath. He is very selfish to the point where you wonder if he even cares about how you feel. He is not physically abusive, but he does push us out of the way forcibly if he wants to get by. He enjoys making fun of other people's misfortunes, he lies more than he breaths, and he's very manipulative. He never takes responsibility when something goes wrong, and instead says that one of us was to blame, and yet if something goes right, he's the first one to say he deserves the credit. He is funny, charming, and everyone loves him, but at home he is very degrading. He's always making scathing remarks about our intelligence, weight, hairstyles, voice, and anything else he can point out at the time, just to see us get upset. My mother, my older sister, and I have spent our whole lives trying to impress him or make him proud, but he always expects the best. I would get straight A's all year, and I would be excited but he would act as if exceptional marks were my job. I shouldn't be congratulated for something I was /supposed/ to do.
    It would bother me for a while every time he did something like that or during one of his fits of rage (Every little thing would set him off. He would break furniture, scream at us at the top of his lungs, and throw things around the room or vehicle he was in) but I noticed that my mom and sister would always react differently. They would get disappointed or scared or sad, but I would just get annoyed. For the longest time I brushed it off, but then I started researching psychopathy and after doing extensive reading and talking with classmates, neighbors, and family friends, I realized that I am also a psychopath.
    I always got annoyed at how emotional everyone around me seemed to be. I was never into boys (or girls for that matter), and I never bothered much with making friends. I lie constantly and I don’t regret it. I use, manipulate, and take advantage of people to get what I want because I can. People come to me to talk about their problems and their pointless everyday drama, and I couldn’t care any less about what they have to say. I also have the rage to deal with. I like the way one of the commenters above described it: ‘Surges of aggression’. That’s exactly how it feels. Blood is pumping so fast I can feel my heart like an anvil, and I get a rush of adrenaline filling my veins. I get so mad at nugatory problems that I just have this overwhelming need to break something or hurt someone. My first was when I was eight years old.
    I’ve read mountains of self-help books and ‘finding your moral compass’ books, but nothing helps. Pretty much the only set of rules or codes I follow are the laws, and even those I follow grudgingly. I know that I would not like jail or being fined, so being the selfish person I am, I don’t break laws. I would when I was little, though. I shoplifted when I was six (just some trinkets and my mom returned them when she found out), but I never really understood /why/ I shouldn’t.
    This may sound conceited, but I don’t consider myself as having a ‘problem’ or a ‘condition’. I see it as a gift. Like one of the commenters said above, I can pretend to be anyone I want. My math teacher loves soccer, so in math, I’m a sportsy kid. My drama teacher is super quirky, so in drama, I’m the weirdest there is. My history teacher is a shy recluse, so I don’t talk much in that class, and I act bashful when I need to do a presentation. My Art teacher is secretly a Goth (I was looking over her shoulder for a good half hour while she was on her computer, going through her notebooks, reading, etc. before she finally noticed me) so I’m pretty dark in that class.

    [Broken up into two comments because of size]

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  22. [Continuation from previous comment]


    I’m every teacher I’ve ever had’s favorite student because I can spot their interests and play towards them. I can objectively look at a situation and turn it in my favor, while other peoples’ morals and consciences get in the way. I expressed these views to a classmate (using a hypothetical person and pulling an “oh they must be lucky”. I lie and manipulate, remember?) and she said that she pitied us. She said that a psychopath would never know love, and that was the saddest thing she could think of. She said the whole “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
    It took everything I had not to burst out laughing right in her face.
    I don’t believe that love really exists. That may be because I am a psychopath, but it may be because I have done extensive research into human neurochemistry and can tell you the exact chemicals that cause the feeling of ‘love’ and attachment. I think it’s the silliest thing when girls start crying when they break up with a guy. I mean, really, who the heck cares? You two obviously weren’t compatible partners if you broke up, so why are you worried that he’s gone? I’ve lost and traded many friends over the years, but I don’t miss a single one of them. I’ve been to three funerals in my life and didn’t shed a tear. I have taught myself how to cry on command since then, and I’ve used it to keep face when everyone else is crying, but things like that never really fazed me.
    Just thought I’d let you in. Many of you said you want to know how we think. Just know, though, that I don’t represent every psychopath. Just me. We’re all different. Just like you are all different. (Though if I’m honest [shocker, I know] we tend generalize the rest of you as emotional, gullible, and weak. So I guess we’re even.)
    Sorry if you're all disappointed, but you can't fix us. We just are this way. Some of us were born like this while others sustained trauma later in life, and this is what's left. It's no different from being blind or gay or handicapped. If you can't accept us the way we are, leave. Don't try to fix us. We don't want to be fixed.

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    1. That 's a twist, an 'honest sociopath'? As if. Who said anyone wants to 'fix' you? I guess some would say that. I think you are from a different planet called Xeon and your brain got wrapped crossing dimensions. Go crawl back in the hole you came out of..you can't be sorry by definition, so either you are not a sociopath but a poser, just another sack of crap..or someone wanting attention . Which is it?

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  23. you guys were asking for it. you shouldnt have thrown yourself out there cause by doing that they found your weakness. of course they lied to you its so easy and people believe everything there told so stop feeling sorry for yourself. you should have known in the begining. besides if you you where really smart you would make there game your own. all you had to do was act like you had no idea and make them believe you were still madly in love with them and learn to manipulate them into doing what you want. so the pyschopath would no longer be in charge. dont feel too bad about it, humans have always been a weak and defensless species.

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  24. The issue isn't that they can use their brains, it's how they use it. Some say it is a birth defect..which makes them mentally retarded. They (or you) are Permenantly Emotionally Retarded . They don't know shit, just what they can learn from others, completely inadequately huge Egos with an inferiority complex. By virtue of their own shallowness which intoxicates the mind, they are unable to come to Realization of their own inadequacies and would rather point fingers. Don't let them get to you, it doesn't bother them a bit...it only makes them happier, to see 'normies' squirm. Go ahead and laugh, he who laughs first in this life laughs last ..but of course, they can't be bothered with the details, if you are a socio'p'....You're just desserts await you...where there will be clawing and gnashing of teeth.

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  25. Hmm - 30% is too high... it's more like 10% (8.4% if you want to get technical)

    Recent studies are showing 'missing brain matter' in psychopaths - so the increase of psychopaths would only be due to some kind of genetic defect as apposed to nurture... so not sure why you think they're likelihood would increase.

    'Feigning love' - seems to suggest they can love but choose to beguile. They simply don't have the ability to love. They simply don't have the grey matter.

    The whole racist thing... psychopaths don't care about anyone equally (they have no empathy) so racism doesn't really come into it - sure this guy isn't just a malevolent narcissist?

    Equally, he could have been playing the racist to further his web of deceit. In which case, even considering the web of intrigue is falling into his plan. He doesn't care. He wanted you for money, sex and to fulfill his desire to manipulate. That's all the whole black thing is - he sees all human beings as objects to get what he desires - regardless of race.

    So it plays more into the narcissist way of thinking - you dating a black guy reflects on him. A psychopath wouldn't care less.

    He was livid for days... Again, not a psychopath - they are known as 'hot heads'... they'll completely loose the plot (in a strangely possible hyper-violent way) and very quickly return to normal - as if nothing happened. The hyper violence as well isn't like a normal person - it too lacks the intensity of emotion.

    Asking you should he leave work - they are highly impulse driven. He sees you as an object. A psychopath wouldn't give two hoots what you thought - he'd more likely take the time off and bed some girl from the local bar during the lunch hour.

    Psychopaths don't feel bad about anything. They are incapable of feeling guilt, remorse or regret. It is simply an act.

    Going forward he won't 'hang his head'. He has done to you what he wants and will move on to the next victim - he will delight in how well he did with you. (although he may act out pain and pity with others - depends what he wants from them.)

    As soon as he finds the 'woe is me' no longer works in entrapping his prey he'll vary his act till he does en-capture more prey. Also, psychopaths don't really discuss their past.

    Think your man is a messed up pup - he sounds quite a narcissist - but he doesn't sound like a psychopath. Sadly, he sounds quite tame compared...

    Also, if he is a true psychopath, he'll never emotionally learn to be anything different - he simply doesn't have the psychical grey matter to learn anything emotionally. Psychopaths can learn not to kill human beings but they will never feel like they shouldn't.

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  26. I'm 22 years old...And reading all of these personal stories, impact me in a scary; yet joyfull way..is it wrong? Cause it doesn't feel that way!! Since I was a little girl, I got caught up in thriller movies, just love them!!! Killings, cannibalism, tortures and other horrifying tales wether fiction or reality I could relate to them and cope that it was normal behavior..I dreamed and wished I could do the same one day..I used my talents to write, and draw the sickness I felt in my thoughts and the extended imagination of killing someone..I got to a stage that when I was alone in my room(cause im not so social) I actually used to cut myself and while I felt blood coming out, I enjoyed myself and experience pleasure doing it..At times I sucked my own blood..When rage captured me, it got worse..Needed to hurt someone, anyone..I manipulated moments, people didn't even notice I played tricks and lied..Myself literally felt power, controlling people, knowing I could hurt them in ways they wouldn't even imagine..Anyways I also started to get involved with the occult (yeah!! creepy, i know..) I spent hours of the day interacting with Satan, I felt him, saw him and even talked to him; through telepathy..It was getting intense; cause he influenced me in rage, hatred, carelessness..I was a total rebel..I praise and always thank GOD for being mercyful and never letting horrible things happen to me or the fact that I couldn't have done terrifying things to others..I have many complex inferiority issues, how I look physically and I always assume people are talking about me and at times I analyze the situation and get to the conclusion I just don't fit in this world..(Yes I am messed up..but aren't we all?) At the end of last year I decided to go back to God (cause I was raised being a believer) and since then i've been so motivated, and now I really have a spiritual connection with God..HE defenetly is my support in this life..And the reason i'm here writting it's to let readers know that "psychophats" yes; its a mental disorder for most people, but it's actually more to that..it's an opening to see what 'human beings' are capable of..and that anyone can become this way, we are NOT perfect, the mind can be very complex..but when you think like I do or 'our kind' do (to put it in a way you comprehend..), you'll understand a lot of things in this life..knowledge is very fluent when you are like us..and the good thing is that when you acccept GOD our CREATOR and SAVIOR, He can control our actions, shape our critical thinking to a better purpose and to not only reach out to others; but also to help them get thru every detail in living life, and even renew lives with our process..I dare you to experience GOD to Holy and Supernatural levels, you wont regret it!! God Bless, Fortify and gives wisdom to everyone!!! My gratitude and my most sincerly apologies to all you my beautyful intellectual companions for reading my little lecture..!! Love!! <3

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  27. reading you 'girls' comments are disgusting me. you are a weak prey.

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