Friday, January 1, 2010

Letting go of the Toxic People

We all have New Year’s Resolutions, Revelations, and Revolutions. If yours is to let go of the TOXIC people in your life then you must realize that this is a very hard thing to do. You'll have to be 100% honest in your definition of TOXIC. Toxic people have a way of slithering into our lives when our radars are down and up. They can sneak by the most careful guard. They do this by finding out where you are weak. How do you decide who is toxic? If they drain you, make you feel bad about yourself, hurt you physically, emotionally, degrade you, demand from you, etc. If you see their number on your caller ID and your stomach turns, they are probably toxic. If you see an email from them pop into your inbox and you get anxious, they are probably toxic. If you try to get through a conversation without pissing them off, they are probably toxic. If you feel dread knowing you have to spend time with them, they are probably toxic. If you are doing all of the work, getting nothing in return except guilt, pain and feeling depressed then it's time to make a change. You are in control on how slight the change is. But you must remember to keep your boundaries set and only do what you want to do. The problem with allowing a psychopath into your life is they will never respect your boundaries but demand you respect theirs. Any time a relationship leaves you feeling like a child rather than an adult is toxic and changes need to be made. The first change begins with you. Be strong, be firm and keep the long term goal in sight. Take baby steps and know you will have days and nights where you have convinced yourself they are not that bad. Change is a gradual process as is healing. Be safe.